A letter to Mr. Lagerfeld

Dear Kal, 

I am a woman of color so in love with your brand and designs, my part time job, albeit to no avail, is researching ways to have my paychecks directly deposted into your company's bank account.  So as not to discard me as someone living in the clouds before I even begin, I am painfully aware that it will take multiple pay days for me to afford any of your clothes. Thank heavens some of your purses are missing the extra zeros prevalent in your evening wear and couture dresses.  I will make a terrible debtor's jail bird.  

So, with the amount of devotion I have for all things Chanel, I was gravely disappointed when you filled your shows with only white models and made the following statement, "there are no models who are women of color in my show because I want all the models to look similar so that all eyes are focused on the clothes"?  Would it be too much to ask that you do not insult me and other women of color who adore and spend their money on your brand?  And just a side note, a beautiful woman commands attention due to her beauty alone. And it is this attention that sheds light on the clothes she wears.  As we all know, beauty knows no color, so having beautiful women regardless of color, showing your clothes should be the key goal in your fashion shows.
I am clearly not on your speed dial or your FB friend, but If you can please do me this little favor-show less bigotry and more class.  

Granted-- to keep your white shirts stout and proud, you have singlehandedly kept the starching industry in business for all these years; so another "charitable act" might be too much to ask of you.  In any case, please try harder Kal. You owe it to all the rappers that have made your love of bling "street".  More importantly, I am really close to succeeding in my quest for making you the sole recipient of my earnings, hence, I would appreciate it if you do not insist on making a fool out of me:) Thank you bunches!!

Sincerely, 

Ava Drake

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-grasso/chanel-spring-2011-collec_b_752098.html)

The Back up Plan????

So this morning, as I rolled out of bed and my hip connected with the wood floors- an enacted form of shock therapy highly recommended for use in one's waking up process- I started to wonder why me, a self proclaimed right brainer, had a life that channeled Dolly Parton's 9-5 instead of Springsteen's Glory Days?  My profession, a Corporate Accountant, is a testament that God indeed has a sense of humor.  I am blessed or cursed with an innate inability to add without the help of a machine and possess a serious case of unrequited love for all of life's  frivolities.  So with me constantly fighting allergic reactions due to fluorescent light, stark carpets, and unnecessary smiles before sun down; I just had to wonder why my fall back plan is now my life. 

As an African child, an education that leads one to become a  Doctor, Nurse, PHD carrying Professor (the title Doctor is mandatory if this route is chosen ) , Engineer, and just recently added to the list a Corporate Lawyer or Accountant, is the only accepted choice for one's future.  An African's notion of education must not be confused with that of North America or Europe's.  The Arts is not considered a viable educational choice and therefore a career in this field is highly discouraged; there will be no "Save the Music" campaign going on in Africa anytime soon and aspirations to be a writer, movie star, model, athlete, or a fashion designer are equivalent to a child signing their parent's death certificate.

I am not exactly sure why most African parents feel this way, but I came up with one plausible answer.  While American parents on the same caliber as African parents are pushing their kids to be that "one in a million", our parents are pushing us toward the fool proof choices in life.  This of course is highly commendable if one is to take it at face value.   However, I sometimes feel that our parents are choosing this form of parenting because they are fresh of the heels of scraping  knees and elbows just to get the bare minimum offered.  This form of black tax that our parents and most of us are still encountering has resulted in parents curtailing any delusions of grandeur a child might have thereby limiting how high one can fly.  With this type of upbringing, most of us start on a fall back career in hopes of multi tasking our way to our dream career.    

Unfortunately, we are only allotted one life in this journey. So, while I have been busy working on a fall back career, a chance of me possibly finding a job that agrees with my personality is slowly disappearing.  Forget what everyone keeps telling you; spunkiness, a direct product of innocence, does not last.  I am starting to believe that back up plans, like the back up guy prominent in most of my failed relationships is the unsung smoking mirror of my adult life.   

Since multi-tasking life as a whole is not a gift most of us have been granted,  I now wonder if I should engage in extreme shock therapy and give up my back up plan.  Just like my enacted hip bone to wood floor shock therapy, would life be a lot clearer if I lived it for only the things I know I want?  No back up plans, just the plan? Would I have skipped my quarter life crises? Could I be happy living on Art and Fashion alone? Of course skipping the back up plan will make affording this seasons Burberry python thigh-high boots impossible.

I must state the fear all unsatisfied young professionals know but choose to ignore, I am not entirely sure we truly can have it all. So, what gives? 

Observations of the week

THE PERM IS BACK!

 Beyonce seems like a woman that possesses a decent amount of self awareness.  So it just amazes me that she chooses to kill the senses of her avid followers by being in movies.  I am definitely not obsessed with her acting chops and can definitely fight the temptation to witness her prominent unwavering accent present in all her movies. With that said, Beyonce, like Carrie Bradshaw and shoes, KNOWS her weave.  I doubt I will be in line for food if this country ever experiences a famine, but I will definitely be in line for B's tell all book on weaves.  You might not agree with this hairstyle and might liken it to Paris Hilton's poodle, but I see sexy fiery curls.  I definitely cosign it.  Crimper here I come.

A couple of days ago I came across an article where Katie Holmes was giving fashion advice alongside her Holmes &Yang partner.  Yes, the lady that went out in public looking like above had the nerve to tell people what fashion is about.  But who are we to blame to her?  Fashion has now become the fall back career for all failed actresses, models, singers, reality stars and the Jersey Shore cast mates (their antics put them  in a genre separate from other reality stars).  I am highly enraged that Ms. My style has turned to shit ever since Victoria Beckham stopped dressing and limiting my food intake is now a voice we should be listening to.

Epitome of Chanel.  I want it all.

Is it me or is Naomi Watt looking better than a twenty-five year old? Someone please write a "tell all" on how to keep the quarter life glow sans surgery.  I nominate Halle Berry.

Lost in translation.  She does prove my earlier point of not getting on the fur vest bandwagon.  For now, only an Olsen is allowed to do this trend.

Conversations by the coffee pot-10/06

Shit that I talk about with my friends during work hours....

A proposed two weeks notice written for me by a friend. Apparently, I have been complaining mercilessly about my ex job... 

"Dear Sirs,  

It is with great sadness and heavy heart that I offer this submission of formal resignation from my post as Senior Associate. After much soul searching, heavy imbibing of spirits and consultation with my spiritual advisor the esteemed Mahatma Rashneesh de Jesus, I have come to the conclusion that I must continue my professional journey elsewhere (or perhaps not at all).
 

Please do not take this resignation as a negative reflection upon your firm. I have enjoyed my experience here immensely (not), but I must be moving on. You see, I have never felt quite at home here – in this environment or this city. Seattleites are, well, both boring and passive (I know you’re seething inside at this insult, but you’ll likely just bottle it up and use it as inspiration for your next open mike poetry night at the local Starbucks). As a result, I must return to my homelands – Ghana where I can frolic barefoot in the open tundra of Northern Africa, free from the confines of society and functioning bathrooms – and Houston, where I can stuff face with all manner of fried foods while I wander the streets unmolested by lust-filled eyes in my favorite short shorts.

Do not try to stop me. Please, no passive-aggressive Seattle guilt trips. My decision has been made. My last day will be August 31st and I promise to show up every working day until then, although we all know I won’t be motivated to accomplish much other than attend the perfunctory “we’ll miss you” lunches and obligatory going away party (I prefer chocolate cake).
   

Sincerely,  

Ava Drake  

 P.S. Also, I am pregnant. Twins, actually. Please start the standard office pool to guess my due date. I’ll take my half of the pot up front since I won’t be here to collect. 
 

P.S.S. The baby is not Justin’s. I think it might actually be the offspring of one of your partners here (not sure which partner yet). If so, we can work the paternity payment into my final check."

Truly written by a somewhat witty person.  

Ode to Summer

As we wave good bye to summer and the onslaught of catchy, vapid tunes that summers always provide (California Girls, anyone?), I just thought I should show some of my favorite and hopefully lasting summer wears. 

I was in an "All American" fashion mood this  summer so I lived in basics such as Levi cut offs and anything from American Apparel.  True to point, shirt is from American Apparel.  Shoes are by Balenciaga.   

Pardon my surroundings, just wanted you to see what the outfit looked like on a human:)

My "big pimping" or for that matter any rap video that comes out in the summer attire.  If you have not caught on,  this is my yacht outfit-if I ever get on one that is.  Shirt from H&M, shorts from Zara.

Vintage finds: Jumpsuit and gold snake belt.  Hat from Nordies 

I dressed up for below shoot to show the use of accessories, I hope you enjoy.

My top is an American Apparel body suit and the shorts, which embodies Prozac cheeriness, is by Erdem. 

I paired the outfit with tear drop pearl earrings, a gold strand necklace, and bangles.   I wanted to keep it light; but, alas, I am a whore for anything gaudy-I added the necklace and bangles.

Necklace is from ALDO and middle finger ring is vintage Chanel I got from an estate sale in Seattle.

Prada wedges.  I have always been of the belief that women should wear skinny sexy heels  and try not to buy into the clunky heel trend.  A woman's ankles are suppose to be dainty and not used as an anchor for one's footwear.  Now with that said, there are instances where chunky heels can be excused.    I purchased these because I had to go to a BBQ and  did not want to plow my friend's grass with my stilettos.  I enjoyed them and now have a modicum amount of respect for wedges.  

More views of the Prada Wedges.  I really love them and have replaced my flip flops with them-if you were not already aware, flip flops is not a viable option for any event that drinks, food, and titillating company is provided .  It is disrespectful to the host-one of my "isms" :) 

One of my own designs.  I prefer dresses in the summer to anything in the jean family.  Performing squats after every wash and secretly unbuttoning your jeans after a good meal is an "all American" notion I can do without in the summers.   

Close up of the material used in making this dress.  Bangle is from Mishu Boutique in Seattle.

The September Issue!

It arrived! Weighing as much as the five pound weights I have yet to incorporate in my workout sessions, the sight of Vogue's September issue in my mail box made my stomach skip.  To be fair, all Vogue issues have the same effect on me due to my humdrum life in the corporate world.  Unfortunately, I was greatly disappointed in Halle's cover picture-there should have been a march on Times Square, reminiscent of MLK's march on Washington when this issue hit the stands; but alas, only I am expressing outrage- see reasons below.  Fortunately, I  quickly got over it as I perused the shiny pages of a well composed magazine.   Here are my thoughts: 

I always thought it was impossible for Halle to look ordinarily human.  She usually embodies the look that screams "gorgeous cyborg from Planet Hot People".  Lo and behold, Vogue aka self confident diffuser, accomplished this impossible feat.  Paging Wendy Williams-please send over your used wig collection to the  Conde Nast building in order to avoid this travesty happening again.   

I did put on my artistic glasses and tried really hard to see these pics in a different light.  All I could come up with was that Halle looked better playing a crackhead in Spike Lee's Jungle Fever than she does in this pic.   This is why the fashion world needs a larger multicultural array of staffs  and models.  They need people that can communicate to them that a look like that on a black woman is not coquettish but outdated; ala, a female 90s R&B group.  To think the poor woman came out of  self imposed silence for this cover...

La bella donna! I love the D&G ads with Madonna .  It evokes sensuality, womanhood,  and all things fab.  I wanted cleavage, family, and a way younger man just by looking at these pics.

I am a slave to Chanel; however, I have to point out that they could use help in their ad department.   Nothing on this model made me want to go into bankruptcy.   In fact, I was rather curious about the flat in the ad.

Ridiculous fashion item of the season goes to the fur vest.  I just cannot get on that bandwagon.

Best high street fashion item goes to this necklace from Express.  Yes, I said Express.

I do not know if any of you have "must follow practices" before opening up your favorite fashion magazine, unfortunately, I do.  Before any of my Vogue sessions, I always make sure I am somewhat hungry and not overly emotional.  Reading a fashion magazine after one has stuffed their face is never a good idea.  My self confidence cannot handle it.  So, seeing this Mulberry ad with the models pretending to eat was not only annoying but very distracting.  I am currently researching recipes for red velvet cakes.

I just loved this wedding dress by Oscar De La Renta for Huma Abedin, Hilary Clinton's  aide- de-camp.

Earlier in the summer, I purchased a pair of shorts on Sak's website just because the material had an outburst of florals that screamed spring eternal.  Fast forward a week later, and there, in the September issue, was a spot light on its designer, Erdem.  I was contemplating returning the shorts (it does nothing for my shape as seen in my latest post) but kept them after seeing the article-I felt I was in good company-umm FLOTUS is wearing it.  I know seeing the designer in a magazine is a stupid reason to hold on to the shorts... I am working on fixing this flaw in my disposition. 

I have a friend that gets annoyed when she sees something she owns in a magazine or on others.    I have the opposite reaction-I get excited for some reason.  As mentioned previously, I plan to see someone about this.  I purchased my Phillip Lim dress about a year and a half ago in a consignment store in NYC-SOHO district.  I still love.

Me in my Phillip Lim.  It is so beautiful in person and the bead work is to die for.

Due to the amount of bling already on the dress, I make myself follow Coco Chanel's credo of always taking something off before leaving the house.  I minimized the amount of jewelry I usually pile on by just pairing the dress with gold earrings from a flea market.   Jewelry from estate sales and flea markets are always the best.  It is affordable and the gold/silver platings usually do not rust-after all, they have already stood the test of time.

Vintage Chanel ring

Ahh, beauty.  Some people do clean up nice.  I would love to see a spread with Marc Jacob and Tom Ford. ..

Vogue's Design for Living section had this pic of a fabulous person's ridiculously expensive home.  I noted that the blanket on the couch greatly resembled my reasonably priced one from Z Gallerie.  See below

My Parting words are from an article written by Sally Singer, pg 486, "Before I actually break down and buy something, I analyze it with an intensity others reserve for decisions about career paths and potential spouses."

Add caption

Opinion of the day or week; depends on how lazy I get

A friend sent me the following link with her sentiments, and I quote, " WTF BITCH!!! read the interview snippet...she is so full of herself..."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/15/leann-rimes-in-a-bikini-w_n_718142.html  

Of course, I had to read what Leann could possible say that will make someone think she was full of herself; Lord knows she is not the shiniest gal on the block.  Before you write back with indignant remarks about how beautiful she is and start insulting my looks; may I say that Leann'e  block and world is not filled with "ordinary people" but instead with her caucasian, blonde celebrity counterparts.  She faces fiercer competition than you or I.

After skimming through the article, I concluded the article did not scream blatant self unawareness of one's looks. It was far worse.  After cheating on her husband and breaking up another marriage with kids involved, all she learned from that experience was boiled down to this quote,

"...I truly believe there are lessons in it for me to learn. Cultivating strength from rough situations is the most important thing. After going through this, I know I can face anything."

How the hell was this rough for her and how did she cultivate strength?  She also mentioned being so depressed she could not get out of bed.  Was this before or after there were photos of her leaving Cibrian's hotel room?  I wish we were in the era of the scarlet letter, so statements like these could have held some merit.  

I am not one to judge and cannot be bothered to cast a stone when it comes to 99.99% of moral debates.  Also, having done my share of DSB (dishonest sexy behavior) certainly requires I hide under a rock instead of yapping about this.  However, I feel I must state this in support of the wounded parties and also to alleviate a modicum amount of my past guilt-when it comes to cheating just shut up about it.  If you are selfish enough and you must speak, recognize what you did and do not make it about you and your pain.  I can assure you whatever pain you are feeling is not near as much as that of the hurt party. 

Also in Leann's case, she is still with her partner in crime and owe it to all involved parties to take a page from Angelina's book and not discuss it.  The appropriate and "grown up" thing to have done here was not to justify her transgressions but to take fulll responsibility for her actions and risk not being "America's Sweet heart".   

For her sake, I hope she meant I am cultivating strength for whenever my new hot man leaves me for a better looking person with more money and a better Public Relations team.  

On a less bitchy note, she looks fab!