Friday, July 22, 2011
WWJD… Remember this bracelet?
Oh wait… you don’t? Why am I not surprised? I’m apparently one of the few people in America that went to a middle school where a What Would Jesus Do bracelet (an imitation of Lance Armstrong’s LIVESTRONG bracelet) was as cool to the kids as a pair of TOM shoes is to this generation. So… as a frenemy to wearers of these bracelets (the only kind of friendships that was granted me during middle school for reasons better left unexplained), I quickly recognized that today’s front-running pop stars were made up of versions of my childhood pals. Naturally, I felt a nostalgic need to congratulate their kind for successfully infiltrating pop culture, and to note to all (especially conservative christians) that religion is not dead--- fear not, because the champions of the WWJD bracelets are all grown-up and Judas freaking all over town:
K$sha- Seemingly on coke every time she is in the public eye, she manages to always have a cross as an accessory, a unicorn as her ride and fairies serving as her entourage. She is definitely one with the spirits.
Katy Perry—representing the typically spaced out, backslidden –or at the very least, lukewarm— pastor’s daughter, she marries a prodigal son, parades around naked, yet points fingers at others (poor Lady GAGA…) for sins such as blasphemy. Her sister in faith, Jessica Simpson, will be very proud.
Lady GAGA— The girl whose enrollment was always in question, she stood outside the pearly gates and patiently waited for the never offered invitation to the in-crowd. Her angst against the Deity in current times seems somewhat well deserved.
Honorable 80s mention:
Madonna— kicked out after a semester for saying the 'f' word one too many times, the Dan Brown of her era went on to successfully capitalize on religion by trying to piss off any religious figure that was mentioned during Wednesday afternoon’s bible class. Fortunately, unlike her Oscar misses for movies such as Evita (whatever… I liked it); the universe rightfully rewarded her by presenting to her a spawn in the form of Lady Gaga.
… so here is a glass to the SAVED high school class of 2000!!!!!!!!!