2011 Fashion Resolutions

It is the first of the year and as others are making impossible heartfelt resolutions, I decided to take the easier route and give unwanted advice on one of life’s most fascinating yet frivolous escapes-fashion.  Women of the world, for the year 2011, I urge you to repeat after moi, “the following are items I would never, ever, ever wear in public”:

1. Uggs-I understand they are comfortable but comfort should not equal showing up in public with a foot snuggie.  Put on a pair of loafers for Christ’s sake.
2. Crocs-see above discussion.
3. Velour track suits (especially ones with writings written across the derriere) - The days of “Jenny from the block” is long gone, and just because Wal-Mart has ghetto tendencies does not mean you should clothe yourself like a Boston, trailer-park, crack head in order to visit.
4. Anything from Ed Hardy.
5. Synthetic weave-there is an abundance of human hair on the market, make the investment. There is no need to look like you raped a horse for its hair when there are better affordable options.
6. Bedazzled jeans-“all that shines is not gold” or in this case diamonds.
7. Lipstick that does not belong in the red and brown family, your face is not a canvas for ROYGBIV.
8. Acrylic nails-No, Rihanna; it is not going to catch on.
9. Hammer pants- I just have not seen it flatter anyone. Can it be because it looks like one has feces in their pants when worn?
10. Monogram bags that are not LV-Since the monogram was Louis Vuitton’s invention, the brand gets a pass; however, refrain from spending good money on a Coach monogram bag, aka- the poor man’s Louis. I call for death of the faux monogram bags.

Honorable mention-Rubber soled flip flop wedges; I do not understand the concept-as a matter fact, I might give all wedges the boot in 2012 (2011 is too soon for me to let them go). The concept of height without sexiness is still one I am mulling over.